|by Jean Baptiste Molière English verse by Timothy Mooney
Comedy: One Act. Estimated Running Time 25 minutes.
Cast: 5 Male, 2 Female, 7 Total.
Setting: Single Exterior Setting.
5 Male, 2 Female, 7 Total
GORGIBUS, Lucilles father
VALERE, in love with Lucille
SGANARELLE, Valeres servant
GROS-RENE, Gorgibus servant
LUCILLE, Gorgibus daughter
SABINE, her cousin
Single Exterior Setting: Outside the home of Gorgibus, with balcony.
SABINE, GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE
Your servant, Sir. I’m thrilled you’re so inclined
To see my daughter, who’s so very ill.
I place my hope in all your learned skill.
Hippocrates says, seconded by Galen,
Whose arguments, persuasive and unfailing,
Quite demonstrate that man of ill condition
Is one who lacks a healthy disposition.
You’re right to trust me to this heavy mission
For I’m the world’s most capable physician.
No one precedes, no saint or sinner’ll …
Not animal, vegetable, mineral.
I thrill to know, Sir, of your expertise.
No common doctor am I, if you please.
All other doctors are, in my opinion,
Pretenders not approaching my dominion.
My talents are unique and most peculiar
With insights with which I could quickly school your
Dull doctors who but barely trammel dreck,
Who know selamalec, selamelec,
“Rodrigue, as-tu du cœur?” Signor Si! Signor!
Per omina saecula saeculor … um.
(Going to take GORGIBUS pulse.)
Not him! It is his daughter!
No matter, I might just as well have caught her
Condition with a study of the father,
For we would well know if we would but bother,
The sire and the brood are but as one
And illness of the daughter or the son
Is known through change the father is enduring.
If I might have a sample of her urine?
To check contamination of her bile?
Sabine go have Lucile fill a vial
So that the doctor, here might test her urine.
I fear, Sir, that these ills may be ensuring
That ere too long my daughter will be dead.
Ah! You must keep such notions from her head!
She’s not allowed to die in her condition
Without securing, first, the right prescription.
This urine shows a heat; an inflammation
The product of a warm preoccupation
A gentle luster; not a bad bouquet. (HE drinks the “urine.”)
You know, it’s not so bad. It is okay.
What’s that! Oh, my, good sir, you haven’t swallowed… ?
Of course! I know some doctors long have followed
The custom that to look at it’s enough
And yet, until you’ve tasted of the stuff,
The patient’s state cannot be known for sure.
And yet, I must insist she make some more.
What you provided was too wee a sample, see,
And I must recommend she pee more amply.
SABINE (Exiting and returning.)
She had great difficulty making this!
SGANARELLE (Drinking again.)
She suffers from an insufficient piss!
Go back again; inform the daughter thusly:
That she must urinate more copiously.
If from all patients such a pee were had,
To be a doctor might not be so bad.
This is all of the pee she might squeeze out;
I hope that this time, it might ease your doubt.
Oh, Monsieur Gorgibus, such a disgrace!
I see this will be quite a heavy case!
Your daughter makes naught but a piddling drizzle,
And such a case of daughter’s diddling pizzle
Points me toward the cure to mend her, thusly,
Whereby she urinates more generously.
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|Purpose: Study, Production, Moliere Fan, Other|